Asinine

as·i·nine

   [as-uh-nahyn]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

foolish, unintelligent, or silly; stupid: It is surprising thatsupposedly intelligent people can make such asininestatements.

2.

of or like an ass: asinine obstinacy; asinine features.

I've been faced lately with people who believe differently than me. Act differently than me. Openly disagree with me. It makes me uncomfortable and I think I know one (of many) reasons why. 
We were raised believing that what we believe is right...silly, why would we believe it if we didn't think it is right. Therefore we should tell everyone what we believe and that it is right. But what do we do when people don't think it's right? What do you do when people don't even seriously consider your right? Well, I was never taught that. I grew up in a small area where everyone had the same idea of right, whether or not they did it, or really believed it, everyone pretended to be on the same page. 
I moved. Other 'Christians' believed differently than me. How? Why? Isn't right, right? I had to learn then why I thought my right was right and theirs wasn't. But I had to listen to why they believed the way they did, that is only fair. A few times my right was wrong.  They.had.reasons. And good ones. And proof. Proof that I wasn't comfortable with because it didn't fit into the pretending. It was uncomfortable. 
I also learned that everyone else had a right, and to them they are right. It is selfish, it is asinine, to think that my right is more right than theirs. 
I'm uncomfortable still with certain lifestyles. Some people are uncomfortable with some of mine. Religion makes some cringe. Atheism makes others. End result, we're all cringing.
If we were all a little more understanding, open-minded, and less asinine in believing that because we think we're right the rest of the world should agree- I think people would be more accepting of our ideas. And if they weren't- we would understand. 
Don't be asinine. It makes your right look annoying. Even if our rights match- yours appears annoying. I can only imagine what it looks like to other people. Don't you want your way of life to be attractive to others? Isn't that the only way they'll give it a chance?
I'm sorry, I've been told I'm like my father in thinking this world lacks common sense. It just doesn't seem right to insist on being right. It doesn't seem smart. May I suggest another way. Try.to.relax.  It's not your job to judge decide what they believe.
Be a friend to sinners people different than you.

I'll Take My Christmas....

I wouldn't trade anyone.

People make me think.

I've heard many "I wish...." statements lately, and to those I think "I'll take my Christmas".

I've heard:
I wish I didn't gain so much weight every Christmas. This one is simple. I'll take too much food over none at all. I'll take my pounds over shivering & hungry.
I wish I had more money. I'll keep my somewhat small but thoughtful gifts. I'll stick to my little family who still doesn't know they don't have a Wii, or the coolest babies, or the newest styles. The one/s who get excited about new socks, fancy underwear, and the cheap, but mega-exciting gift Derrick's about to get. (although, really, who doesn't want more money...)
I wish the bar was open on Christmas. Though I enjoy a brew or two I feel somewhat 'old' in saying I don't have fun like I may have before. I enjoy the taste. I enjoy the company. And then I actually enjoying being the one to tuck my girls in and crawling into my bed. Call me old. Call me boring. Call me happy.
I wish I had a bigger house for these parties. I like mine. It's perfect for our family. Were it bigger we couldn't hear the men yell at the tv and the kids jumping on the beds at the same time. We couldn't pull a tiny folding table and chairs out for the kids to sit at in the middle of the kitchen. We couldn't all sit in the corner and crawl over each other to play tea party. It's not too small, it's perfect.
I wish we had a healthy Christmas. I'll take my sore throat, my sniffley nose, even a barf or two over a hospital bed, a passing loved one, a funeral over the holidays. I'll even take my 'wish my dad was here' over remembering the painful day on the holidays on top of missing him. A flu sounds appealing to the truly sick.
I wish my kids appreciated all the gifts we got them. I'll take my ornery lil stinkers who rip through the paper, throwing out the boxes that look like clothes, and tearing into the next toy shaped box. I'll take them over a quiet morning. I'll take them over a visit to Akron Children's to deliver gifts.
I'm not rich. I'm not poor. My life doesn't always fit just right....but this Christmas, I'll take my Christmas.

To anyone with family in the hospital, not enough food, no gifts for your children...this is in no disrespect to you and your families, but to remind those who aren't to be thankful, very thankful.

Fridays are....

eating peanut butter blossoms, digging little fingers down into the chocolate. watching nickjr. coloring pictures of puppies, turning the page every 30 seconds, & having tea parties with fruit loops.

I think I'm simple.

While sitting at the computer tonight looking at many people, many opinions, many things....I found myself thinking that I'm a simple person.
I like snow in the winter. I like to be cold during Christmas season. check.
I like to be warm in the summer, to swim and little, and then I get bored. Time for the next season.... Ohio is good for me. check.
I like simple but elegant for things that should be, I get overwhelmed by the overwhelming. That seems fair.
I love time with family. I love time with friends. I love hosting, having people in my house. I love sitting on the couch when everyone goes home, after everything is cleaned, and putting my feet up. It's the best of both worlds, in one night.
I think the world of my kids, I like to talk about them....I'll tell you anything if you ask. However, I understand 'mom' stories, I have friends that we laugh and swap 'mom' stories, because that's what they are, and when we tell them we sound like those moms that used to, and still do, drive us nuts.
I like to get out, to get away from everyone. I like to get out, to be with everyone. It's a good place to be in life.
For Christmas, I asked for nothing. Not because there aren't things I want, but because there are so many it's hard to pick just one. I want things that make life more simple. Things to create with. Things that help me be Kristen. Things that aren't extravagant, some that are weird, and some that are probably not even a 'thing'.
Expensive things make me nervous. I'll probably break it. It's usually smarter than me. It's too complex.
I feel in the middle a lot- not here nor there. Sometimes I feel lost, sometimes I feel everywhere.
Thankfully, tonight, I'm in Ohio. Where there are lots of plans for snow and I could not.be.happier.

Sisters

Best friends. 

Fight over crayons.

Hug and kiss randomly.

Snatch toys and run.

Silly faces to make her laugh.

A swift kick, just for the heck of it.

So excited to see her wake up.

Just as excited to see her go to bed.

Will do or eat anything because her sister does.

Will happily yell 'bye' and leave her behind.

I remember growing up with a sister, the good, the bad, the ugly. The best friend to play dolls with. The one who was every where I was and could easily tattle. The hair pulling and screaming. The one who helped with hair & make-up for prom. I'm so excited for the girls to have an 'Anne'.

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous. I hope you have the best Christmas ever, you deserve it. Thank you for that giddy-jumping around the house moment. We had a wonderful day and are planning on a wonderful Christmas. Whoever you are, this family loves you! Thanks a trillion & Merry Christmas! 

We chose this, for better or worse...

I'm talking about me being a stay at home mom. Lately I've been realizing a lot of the consequences, both good and bad, of this decision.

I get to see all the 'firsts' my girls do. Smiling, rolling, crawling, walking, talking...through everything...I get a front row seat.

I'm there when the girls are sick, to comfort them, to clean up barf. 
I'm home all day, no adults to talk to, no adults to care that I'm still in my pj's from the day before.

I'm there when there's extra long naps to do dishes and laundry, I'm never away from the dishes and laundry.

I'm there to play with the girls, I'm there to hear every whiny word muttered or screamed. 
I don't have a full time job outside of the house.

I don't have a pay check representing more than about 10 hours of work.

There are days when both girls actually do sleep at the same time and I can sit on the couch and blog, or watch Biggest Loser from the previous week since it's been busy.

There are lunches I don't buy because we're living on one paycheck.

There are toys for Christmas we only look at on store shelves because of that. 
I'm happy with less so I can be home.

We give up things, money, and low stress bill paying so I can stay home. 
I'm not bored. 
I don't take it for granted.

What's the point of this? I have it good, I know it. Money is tight, I know it. My life, our lives, are this way because this is what Derrick and I have chosen. There are people who think all I do is watch soaps and eat bonbons. There are people who ask me to do ridiculous things during the day. My only interpretation of this is 'she must not have anything to do', or 'she has more time than me and I might as well take advantage of that'.

Right....then you can have your full time paycheck and someone to 'insert ridiculous thing', while I sit with my 10 hour paycheck, my own 2 kids, my part time evening job, my extra money sewing jobs, my laundry, cooking, and cleaning, and now your ridiculous thing to be responsible for. I don't mind helping, I'll volunteer 90% of the time...but please don't ask me for favors that include hundreds of hours of my time and offer me a smile for it. Or appreciate the small things. That's all.

I'm not bitter, I'm just realizing that when life is easy and calm I can feel free to enjoy it because we chose this. 

P.S. Chances are good, but not 100%, that if you are reading this, it has nothing to do with you.

Gurgley Guts

Gross subject. Gross past 24 hours. I hate gross.
My stomach churned and I felt sick. I hoped it was from the previous 8 throw ups I cleaned. Nope, I caught it too.
I hate being sick. I feel helpless. There were pies to make. Baked corn to bake. A house to clean. Family to join. Derrick made the pies, pumpkin, from scratch. Mixed and baked the baked corn. Mopped and vacuumed. Joined the family.
Ryse and I are watching Max & Ruby and drinking apple juice. She seems to feel a little better asking to 'peas go to gammas house' every 30 seconds. It broke her heart for her to stay home tonight. Mine too, to be honest. A quiet house. Hot bath. A bed to myself...sounded wonderful. Although I admit now, I love her cuddles and her silly conversations with the television. Her awkwardly crooked pony tails tell the story of her last 24 hours.
Back to Max & Ruby- she sure is bossy.

Pockets were made for junk...

Wednesday night I attended the last night of an amazing missions conference at our church. Seriously, amazing. I had low expectations for it, because I wanted to not like it, but every night I sat, pen in hand hanging on every word.
We sang Revelation Song on Wednesday evening. Music got louder, voices got stronger, and hands went up. My hands, however, clenched both in my pockets, sweating. Why? Because arguments say to raise your hands is only emotional. That first annoyed me because of who said it, then annoyed me because it was a petty comment.
I moved to Chicago to go to school in 2003. Our first chapel the music started and hands went up every where. I felt weird. I didn't raise my hands. I got used to it. Why was that weird that people would use their emotions to worship the God who created emotions? Some people yell at the tv. Some don't. Both can be equally excited about the Brown's touchdown....or lack of.  Some even jump out of the chair, some slap high five, some chest bump. All of this is normal- but whatever you do, don't get excited about God. Do not show excitement about the one who created the universe, yourself, your emotions. Bottle them up....please, for the sake of looking stupid, let your hands sweat in your pocket.
Seriously now, in my opinion, pockets were made for cold hands and junk. Bobby pins for when you're hair falls in your face. Chapstick for nasty lips. Coffee cash. For looking bored. Pockets are also made to make your pants look cool. Emotions were made to express. Happy, sad, mad, bored, overwhelmed, or excited.
It's a weird thing to defend, emotions.  So I'll back down, surrendering, hands in the air [punny?], and say yes petty person, it is emotional to raise your hands. I like emotions.

Whoever said life's not fair...

was right. I'm not a negative person. I feel like I put much effort into keeping my head up and trying to look on the bright side. When I began writing this blog I wanted to finish "but God took care of it by..." but decided that I'm not going to feel bad for being negative for just a little. Please don't think I think my life is horrible. Allow me to get it out, have a small pity party, wipe my eyes, and keep moving through life with my head held high.
Life's not fair. I learned this 13 years ago today.
November 2, 2007
I was in 7th grade when dad was diagnosed with melanoma. 12 years old. He was sick for 4 weeks....4 weeks. He's with God now, and a lot of really other cool people if you start making a list. He wouldn't come back if he could. But me. 12. No dad. I've learned how unfair this is in the last 13 years. The older I get the more frustrating it can become. It's not fair.
It's not fair that a dad like mine got sick. He was funny. He was intelligent. He was hardworking. He loved everyone, and anyone. He had odd people in his life because of that. He did anything for anyone. He provided for our family. He wanted mom at home, even if it meant the only money we had for dessert was for 7 people to split a candy bar. He protected us. Sometimes too much, but I miss that. He had manners, and wanted us to as well. He smiled a lot, an unforgettable smile. He read the Bible...a lot. He compared all of our circumstances to those of people in the Bible. He was a positive person, even when he was sick. I watched him once life weights in a bath robe. He wanted to stay strong to beat the cancer. He wanted to make sure we were okay when he was sick. That's not fair.
I've done so much without him. That's not fair. I became a teenageer. I went to my first prom. I graduated high school and moved to college. I got engaged. He couldn't walk me down the isle. He wasn't there when his grandkids were born. He's not here to see how ornery they are. They don't have his lap to crawl on while his big hands turn the pages of books he's reading. It's not fair.
I know he'd be proud. He'd love the spouses that were brought into this family for so many reasons. I know he'd love Abby, Claire, Mack, Ryse & Symira. He'd be so excited to have another one on the way. I know God is totally taking care of us. I know we were lucky to have him as long as we did. I'm just saying, it's not fair he's not here. 13 years without him is to long.

Maybe later I'll write a more positive upbeat blog on how great he was and how wonderful 

the family he left is. I'm glad I'm a part of it.

Bundle of Wonderful

Seriously- could she get any cuter? Here sits Symira- 9.5 months old, and full of wonderful. She's on the move now, she follows Ryse and I all over the house. Ryse pushes her over, she gets back up and keeps following her with this same stinkin cute smile on her face. She's gonna be tough. This was at one of our attempts to enjoy being outside before it gets too cold, if it wasn't already. We went with my friend and her 3 little girls and I enjoyed 100% listening to them scream with excitement and watching them take each other out on their way down the slide and giggling the whole way down. I will miss this friend, she is moving :( We currently live about 100 yards from each other, maybe, my brain isn't good at that.
Anyway, I was going to blog something wonderful, but I read her blog before I began typing and I would prefer you just read hers titled 'the mess the magic' [http://www.jesstock.blogspot.com/]. It.is.brilliant.

Bucket List

In no particular order...this is not it.

1. Bob for apples

2. Meet Ellen DeGeneres, hopefully have lunch, I have lots to talk about with her.

3. Skydive 

4. Dance with Derek Hough

5. Spend an entire 24 hours in a hotel, by myself, with a book and a swimming suit
6. White water raft in Colorado

7. Get a professional makeover in a big city, clothes suggestions accepted, not throwing away my sweats.

8. Learn to ice skate, more than forward and around and around a rink

There are a couple I need to perfect, or give up on. We'll see.
To be continued...

Truth or Dare

Truth.
I usually shower around 2 or 3 p.m. I find something comfy to wear and continue to wear it until the next day, around 2 or 3 p.m. when it's time to shower again. (If I'm going somewhere I usually change) I am clean, I shave, all that good stuff...it's just a perk of being home all day.

Dare.
I Dare you to be controversial. Call someone out when they say something you totally disagree with. Don't fight, don't act like you're the only right one, just vocalize another opinion.
I Dare you to wear sweats to church. I did. It was the most relaxing comfy service I ever sat through, and I still learned a lot.
I Dare you to eat lunch with your kids on the couch. Drop crumbs between the cushions. They aren't stuck there forever.
I Dare you to drive in your car and sing so loud your eyes water. Songs like 'Defying Gravity' are helpful.
I Dare you to pack up little kids in the car and drive, hand them juice and fruit snacks when they get antsy. If that doesn't work, chocolate milk. They will sleep eventually.
I Dare you to crank music in your kitchen and sing into a spatula. You may teach your kids to sing into a straw and love it.
I Dare you to delete people's comments on Facebook- simply because they are annoying and on your wall.
I Dare you to be yourself. Be okay with not being perfect.
I Dare you to do something nice for someone you think is weird.
I Dare you to be weird.
I Dare you to no criticize other people's parenting methods. Chances are good if you don't like what they are doing or are annoyed by their kids, they feel the same way about your lil family.
I Dare you to dance, where ever you are. Tap your foot, shake your booty, bop your head.
I Dare you to buy the Backstreet Boys CD this year, since they have been out of the 'cool' group for years. It's good to be behind.
I Dare you to make a bucket list. Share it with everyone- who knows who might be able to help you accomplish one of your greatest dreams.
Dream big, live it up, have faith, have fun, and let other people do the same.

Sad Puppy

My life is full of moments like these.
Each daughter is full of personality, one wild & loud, one slightly sweet & calm. Both ornery. Ryse has added 3 million words to her vocabulary over night. Words like "shake your booty" "I'm a deba (diva)" "I waked up Momma!" and seriously MUCH more. Symira has found her volume and screeches with happiness. She is never full, and is in the process of switching from reverse to forward with scooting/crawling. Oh yes, Ryse is moving from Dora to Mickey Mouse. She still LOVES Dora, but is asking for Mickey and Nemo now. I never watched Finding Nemo til now, I like it. And Nemo doesn't yell at you to do things in a language I don't understand...an added bonus.
Derrick cleaned the refrigerator our last night. (since I'm updating on everyone) He loves a clean house and appreciates organization. He's learning that is hard when the kids are around and volunteers to do it while I take the kids outside to play. He's a good match for me.
And myself....I'm watching Ellen. I watch her change lives everyday and am CONVINCED it will be mine someday. Not that mine is awful, but really, who couldn't use a little lift? So I e-mailed her again. (this will be funny to you if you really know me) I'm getting to the point in life where I'm going to quit e-mailing her and fly out there, demanding to meet her. Meeting Ellen is on my bucket list. You say to-mae-to, I say to-maw-to.
Naptime ends. That is all for today.

I love having a blog...

because I can say whatever I want to :)
I've been slightly grouchy lately, and I know one of the reasons. I have found out of another failing marriage, one I thought would last forever. Why not? It's endured the beginning of marriage, which is an adjustment. It's endured multiple children's births, terrible twos through high school. It's made it to a stage where those children have grown and become independent individuals. Aren't these supposed to be the best years of your life? Shouldn't it be easier now then in the beginning when you're trying to figure each other out and trying to talk over screaming and crying on zero hours of sleep?
It bums me out to see marriages fail. It bums me out even more when there are children involved. Young and old children are being taught that it is okay to give up. It's okay to be dishonest, and it's perfectly normal to fall out of love. I'm not in a fairy tale- there have been times in my short marriage where I've reminded myself I love this man, I love this man, I love this man. I'm stubborn, he's stubborn, and we're both sensitive. Weird combination, but when we work together, we're dynamite. When we work against each other, same reaction. I think we're normal. I think what kids need to see is that life is hard, love is hard, but you are worth fighting for, love is worth fighting for.
It has frustrated me to no ends to see these couples act as if their lives are not affecting anyone else. I hate when mothers and fathers become selfish to the point of putting themselves before their children. If you want to place yourself over your spouse, shame on you, but you chose each other- so fight it out....whatever. But not your children, they didn't ask for you. Shame on you for forgetting the excitement of new life; the excitement of seeing your spouse and yourself in the same human being. Shame on you for thinking children are an inconvenience or that they don't deserve an explanation. Shame on you for thinking it's someone else's job to show your kids what true love is. I pray someone reminds me of this when I'm farther along down the road....
Shame on you for thinking your the only one who has a good reason to give up- shame on you for thinking you deserve better, and shame on you for dwelling on the small stuff.

Dog

Word Post.
D- Dirt is everywhere. I've been lazy lately- well not necessarily lazy- but just doing the bare minimum. I haven't gotten any sewing done, barely any cleaning, no reading, no writing, just living...and the dirt is tattling on me while sticking out it's tongue. I remember someone asking me when we first got married how i got ride of soap scum in the shower... 'uhh, I scrub it every week.' Now I'd like to know what she is using to get her soap scum out.
O- Over 102. That's Symira's temperature is. I think it's teeth, but there are about four million bugs being passed around right now too. She's soo miserable, it's sad. Sleep has been hiding here....so I've had zero water today (I know...that's not good) I've replaced it with coffee and Dr. Pepper.
G-  it's Garage Sale weekend! I'm overwhelmed by garage sale stuff. We are joining in the town's Community Garage Sale weekend coming up. We are officially done having kids...some day hope to adopt, but for now we are getting rid of all things infant. Lots of small things to price and organize.

LATE FOR WORK....oops. I kinda forgot I have to go tonight. I'm a dork.

"Oooh, A Big Girl Bed"

First of all- can we say pink? The comforter is white with green and pink, it's very cute, but for now- all you can see is that there is pink, pink, pink. As a 'not girly-girl' person, I live vicariously through my two daughters. I put them in leggings and other things I would not dare to wear but still think are wonderful.
I can't believe I have a child sleeping in a twin bed. This is such a mom thing to say and it annoys me as I'm writing it. I had one of those moments this week when I felt like 'a mom' (said in the drawn out boring tone). We sat down with friends at McDonalds and as we all dug into our cheeseburgers Ryse stopped and prayed for 'Mia, ennn Momma, ennn Daddy, amen'. I could have cried, but that is far to momish.
Anways, we set up a twin bed for Ryse today and all day talked in high pitched voices exclaiming "Ohhh, Rysie has a BIG girl bed, what a BIG girl!" Feel just as cool saying that as "YAY! Rysie went pee in the potty!" while clapping my hands.
I know, every mom does it I'm sure. But I'm cool....I'm not supposed to. (total sarcasm, I am not. a. cool. mom)

Strong willed, backed up with reasons

Recently I got into a 'discussion', if you will, with someone. We were discussing the death penalty. I feel VERY strongly against the death penalty and will defend my opinion to my grave. Do not have this discussion with me....for days I was sick to my stomach, grouchy, and I'm still. not. over it.

Many good points were brought up by the opposing opinion....but to me they are all extinguished by God's. grace. and. mercy. I was feeling frustrated lately with the fact that I could be just another cheesy Christian that believes that God is love all the time and it is His will that none shall parish, that no one should spend an eternity in hell. Oh wait, that's not cheesy...

Maybe it's cheesy to be the one who believes that that all sin is equal, and all sin hurts God. Personally I'm not seeing the cheesy part yet.

Or maybe it's just socially frowned upon to not want death for someone who did such a horrible, ugly, hateful, inhumane thing. If I knew that this inhumane killer would at least have a chance at salvation after the death penalty, I may consider it. If I didn't think the one admitting the death penalty then deserved the death penalty, creating a chain with no good end, I'd consider it as well. Why not lock this man up for life? Why not let him think everyday of what he did to such a beautiful person? Why not give him a chance to enter into a relationship with the God of this world, the Man who made it possible for you and I to even exist. If it is His will that none should perish- who am I to trump that? No, it is not 'killer's' job either....but if you begin smoking pot I'm not going to correct you by taking it from you and calling it legal for me to smoke since I'm stopping you from doing it ever again. Ohhh....I'm rambling.

Secondly, I defend myself from the accusation that I know nothing about abusive relationships. I also deny any accusation of not wanting justice for what this man did. I agree, he should be punished....a horrible punishment even. But I, personally, refuse to wish an eternity in hell on anyone. I'm am no hoity-toit waiting for my seat in heaven that I did nothing to deserve.

So as I've been battling my feelings on this issue and evaluating everything I feel about it, and reaffirming that yes, this is what I believe, cheesy or not....I ran across a chapter in my 'David 90 Days With A Heart Like His" book by Beth Moore.

As David was being literally hunted down by Saul for no reason other than jealousy. After finding out that a multitude of priests, innocent priests, were killed because they warned David, because they helped him not get killed for no reason at all....David wrote Psalm 52. The four things David did in this chapter were 1. placing blame where it should be placed, on Saul, on evil. 2. reminded himself that God will repay evil, Saul. (realizing it was not his job) 3. placed his hope solely in God (not others, not the government, solely.in.God.) 4. reminded himself that God is Good (no matter how bad things look).

Beth Moore says that "even in the face of imaginable horror, we must cast our imaginations on Christ, our only hope...Keep having faith even in the face of unexplainable evil or disaster. You will be richly rewarded for your faith even when others have scorned you for still believing."

This was a good reminder for me. Also to remember that God is good. I think sometimes I let loud-mouthed, mean spirited christians skew my view of God. Sometimes I'm afraid to ask God for patience, or for understanding, or for help with something because I'm afraid He'll be like "oh ya, you want to learn this???" and then put me through something horrible to teach me that. Or He'll hold me up for the world to see if I doubt Him... calling me out infront of everyone.
These last few weeks I've been learning...God is not black and white. Thank goodness. But He is always good, He is always love, and it is His will that none should perish.

Therefore, cheesy or not, I. stand. my. ground.

I will refuse any further discussions. I am pro punishment, I'm even more pro prevention and rehabilitation. I'm not a 'head in the clouds' person. This is not written to begin anymore arguments, it's my blog, it's where I'm allowed to say whatever I want :)

Word Post

I've decided to randomly do 'word posts'....picking a random word, or a word that is not very random but could promote random thoughts.

Word of today: PUMPKIN

P: Promptness. I like to be prompt, on time, not one minute late. I'd rather be early and have time to hang out or talk before events. However I hate when promptness leads to waiting on people. (I am not ALWAYS prompt....I just like to be.) Yesterday I was sweating and grouchy because we were going to be late for church. I hate that, I like to talk, take the girls to their classes, stop at the restroom, and find the perfect seat with room for my family and friends to sit beside us. We hurried so much that I realized as we were pulling into the church that Ryse wasn't wearing shoes. Thankfully it was the Sunday that our service times changed, so instead of being 10 minutes late, we were 20 minutes early :)

U: Umpires. I think all referees and umpires should be called one name, it's embarrassing when you call one the other and vise versa. (this is what I'm talking about....random)

M: Money. Derrick is taking over paying the bills for a short time. The thought of it makes me cringe, smile, laugh....all of the above. I got too stressed and I'm not good with money when I'm stressed. Just sayin :)

P: Praise God for someone who took the words right outta my mouth...I've been praying about 'stuff' if you will. http://hardingali.blogspot.com/2010/09/filtering.html I've realized that I'm slow to forgive and slow to forget. I hold grudges. I agree very much with this post, I felt at home reading it, felt a breath of fresh air. It reminded me of my grudges I've been holding against either 'mean christians', 'judgemental christians' and 'big mouth christians'. God loves them all, I just have a hard time with them. Another 'just sayin'.

K: Kids have a way of making or breaking a day. Today they're breaking it. Saturday they made it. The girls woke up in good moods and played soo well. Ryse can make Symira giggle so easily...and when she does I get cheesy, I get in the mood where no matter what happened nothing could ruin your day because I have two beautiful girls who love eachother (for those few seconds anyway) and no matter how hard the last 8 months, heck the last year....2 and a half years, have been....it is now.paying.off. Quote of the week: "Mia- I'na spank ya butt" -Ryse. She's been getting in trouble lately if you can't tell. She's a walking mouth with attitude. Wonder where that came from?

I: I'm more than excited for the Bachelor Pad. I hate to admit it but I've become very addicted to their drama and all the romantic relationships forming. I'm a sucker for romance and I'm not gonna lie, it keeps it interesting when they are playing for $250,000 too. Sadly I'll be working...luckily we have DVR and nights like tonight....that's why we pay every month for it. (I might be exaggerating just a little)

N: Nieces & Nephews. I'm getting 2 new ones within 2 months. I've got 3 nieces, 3 nephews, and 2 'step nephews' if you will. And two more coming!!! That my friends is why I can quit having babies, sit back and enjoy newborns, but pass them off for someone else to stay up all night. Looking forward to meeting baby Rothel and Baby Herman in February and March....hurry up!

Pumpkin: because I made Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Muffins today and 'Chocolate Chip' was too long...time to get ready for work.

On A Serious Note

Things have been going on lately that force me to think seriously. To think about eternity. My eternity. My kids. My family members. Friends. Random people.
Tonight I saw a police chase. It ended with the car being chased flying off the road, either into trees if he/she was lucky. It moreso looked like the car was under water. We were passed by the car and the police, then another police. Then came up on the scene where the first police was off the road about 2o feet looking over the bank while the second sprinted from the side of the road over the bank to the first car.
Professor Flemming would be proud. She always said a good reporter was nosey. Well I wanted to turn around and drive by again. So we did. We couldn't see the car at all, chances were good it was in the water. I wish I wouldn't have turned around, I wouldn't have known there was water down there. I hate the thought of death...even if it is a criminal, and yes, a murderer. I don't know what this guy did tonight, whether he or she was under the influence of something and decided to run, or if they had commited some crime so big that even death seemed better than being caught. What I do know is that the cops stood at the top of the hill watching carefully and waiting. No one was running to this persons rescue. Not that I expected the cops to save the person, not knowing what would happen, but the thought of someone potentially dying and no one rushing to help them doesn't settle well.
So here I sit wondering. Did they die? Were they in water? What did they do that made them run? Obviously they didn't mean to run off the road...was it worth it? Eternity was either waiting there, or was very close for this person.
Does someone deserve hell for things, even if it's murder? I know that sounds crazy...but the only thing that sets me apart from anyone going to hell is that I've accepted eternal life. I did nothing better. Heck, there will be people in hell that have done more good for this world than me. No one deserves heaven...but then if some of us get it, shouldn't we want it for everyone?
A kid I went to high school with was killed in a motorcycle wreck yesterday. Where is he now? How do you not wonder about eternity when anyone dies?
I get utterly discouraged and a pit in my stomach because I realize there is only so much I can do to affect peoples eternity.
Point B (if you will)
Sometimes the harder 'christians' try, the more damage they do. I've seen God do crazy things in my life. I've felt comfort that could only be from Him...but I cringe when people say cliche things that sound so corny about church, christianity, etc. I cringe when 'christians' are judgemental against alcohol, language, places people go and once again...etc. Jesus ate with sinners. He loved them. He sat with them at meals. If we could all be a little more worried about being more like Him than we are worried about not being a certain way we'd be good. He did make himself of no reputation. I guess if you don't have one, you don't have to worry about ruining it.
I suppose I needed to get this off my chest. Praying for the Shupe family. Praying people I love will see past corny, leagalistic christians and find the ones that are striving to be like Christ, to love people no matter what they eat, say, or where they sit. If Christ can forgive anything, who are we to decide we're to good to hang out with or forgive certain people. Who are we to say 'good for him, he probably deserved it' when we see what I saw tonight.

I have been blessed

I get kissed by the sun each morning,

put my feet on a hardwood floor.
get to hear my children laughing,

down the hall through the bedroom door.

Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing,
just soaking up the day.
I think to myself, I think to myself,
This world is a beautiful place.

I have been blessed,
and I feel like I've found my way.
I thank God for all I've been given,
at the end of everyday.

I have been blessed,
with so much more than I deserve.
To be here with the ones that love me,
to love them so much it hurts.
I have been blessed.
Across a crowded room,
I know you know what I'm thinking.
By the I look at you,
And when we're lying in the quiet and
no words have to be said.
I think to myself, I think to myself,
this love is a beautiful gift.

When I'm singing my kids to sleep,
When I feel you holding me,
I know...

I have been blessed.

Blessed by Martina McBride
Photos by Cortney Steed

A Friend Worth Quoting

"(The thing that I really don't get with the Cry It Out method is why Christians- Christians! are so drawn to it, even adamant about it...because if parents are a picture of God to their children, this is nothing like the God I know...I do not serve a God who only responds to me at certain times, under certain conditions...I do not serve a God who refuses to listen when I cry...rather the God I know invites me to cry to him, over and over He says this, to pour my heart out to Him...and that He is a waiting Father, a Father lavish with affection and understanding, one who is ever-present, ever holding His children)." http://www.jesstock.blogspot.com/

I recommend reading it yourself, especially if this leaves you uneasy. Neither her, nor myself, suggest this method is wrong...it's just when the Cry It Out method isn't working. When they cry, and cry, and cry...she describes how her motherly instincts were going wild and my skin crawls because I remember the feeling oh so well. I still get it, when I've rocked and rocked and nursed and nursed, then gently lay her down...by the time I turn the monitor on and she's crying everything in my wants to scream and then start rocking again. I can't stand hearing my girls cry...especially if it's not a tantrum, it's a cry for comfort.

I think back at losing dad, moving out of state for college alone, having a baby and all that comes with it...had God turned his ear away from me I'd have given up on Him. I'd no longer trust Him. I tried with Ryse to cry it out. I tried with Symira to cry it out. I feel that deep jealousy every time someone tells me "I let her/him cry it out one night, they've been sleeping through the night ever since"...and 15 months into it- I'm still up, still rocking. However, those 15 months are over and she happily grabs her blankie and exclaims 'nih-nih' 'see-ya' at bedtime. I love Jess's blog post on this...these late nights and early mornings and everything in between wont last forever, they are already coming to an end, and as I am LOVING more sleep I am trying to cling to each minute rocking and knowing my kids find comfort in me. I love thinking God could possibly smile at the 'constant whining', knowing that I need Him, and when I'm scared I find comfort in Him.

"Happy Day!"

As Derrick carried Ryse downstairs from her nap, she caught a glimpse of Dora balloons and decorations that were no where to be found before she laid down. Her eyes widened quickly and she loudly exclaimed "Happy Day!" over and over. She began giggling and jumping around when the doorbell rang.

"Happy day cake!!" once again, over and over. She loved, LOVED her cake. She proudly showed it off as the guests arrived.
After the party, Derrick and I were up talking and cleaning until midnight. It was so much fun, it was exhausting, and it was Ryse. We began talking about the last 2 years and what has made her Ryse.
Let's rewind:
Surprise arrival July 15, 2008. I was induced for preeclampsia...and less than 7 hours later we had a 5lb 12oz peanut. Through 12 weeks of screaming and very little sleep I spent much time in a comfy gliding chiar, but mostly bouncing on an exercise ball. These things soothed her. Many opinions told me what to do, what not to do, why this was happening and I became so annoyed I thought I'd develop a twitch- so I locked the doors, pulled the blinds, and shut the ringers off on the phones. I was determined to love her, sing to her, and sleep when she did. When she didn't- we watched chick flicks, sang hymns (to keep me sane), and cried in eachothers faces. Then her well-check came around again. Thankfully Dr.Gigax heard a heart murmur and sent us to Akron Children's Hospital. October 1st we headed up to get an echo and EKG and had plans to rush home to work in the children's class that evening at church. Test after test I began to feel as though things weren't looking like they should. I wish I could even try to describe to you the feelings of that day- finding out that not only was something wrong, but it needed fixed and we would not be going home until it was. Her tiny heart, how would I hand her over for heart surgery? Heart surgery always sounded like something awful, but for a tiny little baby- this shouldn't happen in my mind. We walked her to the PICU to admit her and as they asked a million questions I became overwhelmed. That's where we met some of the best people we knew- Ryse was in the best hands and so were Derrick and I. A man, I cannot remember his title, but his name was Brian, met me in the hall with kleenex and an arm around my shoulder as he promised they would take care of my baby girl...I would need to take care of myself and Derrick and they would take care of the rest. God continued to prove this man correct and as though that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do

...we made it. With 2 more stays in Akron Childrens, a life-flight ride, a broken arm, and a sister later- she's an amazing little 2 year old. She's strong, she's confident, she's pure ornery. She's beautiful, she's hilarious, and she's healthy! She's a booty shaking, eye rolling, rock star who loves to sing. She's daddy's little girl who kisses all mommy's silly boo-boos. She's the best big sister who loves to wake up to "meee-ya". She's a little miracle.
As this is a little late, I'd like to wish our little rock star a Happy Birthday- I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Symira

Now that I know how to upload pictures: here's my little Zahner :)

She's mastering rolling, drolling, giggling, and working on her volume...oh yea, according to the general public, starting to look more like Derrick. That my friends is why you marry a good-looking guy: all your kids may look just like him.

I pray she has his patience, his anal habbits that keep our kitchen floor so clean, and keeps his big brown eyes that make her look so sweet.

Random

On the news today: tar balls in New Orleans. Lindsay Lohen gets sentenced to 90 days in prison. A four year old girl found after being abducted for 24 hours.

Ryse

10 reasons why I love her so dang much:

She:
10. could roll her eyes by 18 months
9. sighs just as loudly as I do when I do, reminding me of my attitude.
8. knows where her booty is and how to shake it.
7. kisses her own boo-boos- even if they're in hard to reach places.
6. sings 'daddy, daddy, daddy' when she sees the vacuum (hmm...) and when he gets home from work.
5. calls a popsicle a 'potsie'
4. knows what a fart is and how to do it on command- this came naturally. (after thinking one was hilarious she learned to repeat the hilarious sound)
3. swings her arms when she runs, and 9 times outta 10 faceplants in the grass, giggles, and keeps going.
2. gives Symira the sweetest hugs and kisses...she loves people, never met a stranger.
1. knows that mommy's kisses are always healing and loves to cuddle with me when she's sad- that. is. priceless.