I'm annoying:

You know like one of those really annoying people who isn't 100% anything.

I'm realizing now that to the fitness world, I might be just that...annoying. I like to work out with people. I just started teaching TurboKick and the first night I fought back tears. I didn't have fun and I messed up about a ba-jillion times. I wanted to tell the girls to get their money back, I can't teach, and I wont. Last night, however, I had fun, I was able to laugh or move on without making it noticeable when I biffed, and I had a blast. The girls in the class are so much fun and it's a good workout. I hate running. I love how I feel when I'm done. I do not diet. Yuck. I like grease to much. That annoys healthy people- to see you work out and then eat like that. It's annoying to not healthy people who eat like you to see you work out. Sittin in the middle of two extremes. It's annoying.

So my dilemma comes when I become a certified fitness instructor and it's automatically assumed that, duh- she eats good and is totally interested in shakes, bars, pills, and dieting. Because who cares enough to teach fitness but not enough to eat right?

To be fair- I've given them a try. I did a trial of Zija, a 3 day cleanse of Shakeology,  a 'spark' of AdvoCare. I've heard great things about all of them. 

I liked Zija- kinda. I'm a weird texture person and the drink gagged me. I don't like taking pills and hot tea that makes me poop- ehh. I did it for a week and noticed elevated energy levels- I went a whole day with no coffee. That is huge. But coffee is so.very.much cheaper. I've been told you have to do it for 30 days before you feel the total effects- but where I am in life I don't want to jeopardize $250ish to 'see if it works'. And if it does, I don't want to spend even a hundred dollars a month to gag down a drink and take pills and drink tea (really I'm not knocking Zija, I'm knocking my commitment to it and my lack of connection with it). I'm not obese and I don't have prescriptions to be saved from- so I passed on Zija.
Shakeology I liked. It doesn't taste bad, it's chocolate- how bad could it be? I wasn't  hungry with replacing meals with it, and I lost weight. A good amount for a 3 day cleanse even. I've debated sticking with it, replacing a meal a day with a shake- or doing it Mon- Fridays and loving my weekends...I dunno- here I am: annoying, not 100%. It's a little over $100 a month...eek. I'm a cheapo- can I buy it with a dented box? Perhaps spilled and scooped back up? just kidding. Just cheap. That's me. 

AdvoCare- I have nothing bad to say about. I only had one drink and I was not feeling good, at all, when I drank it. I drank it on my way to teach my second TurboKick class ever- where with cramps, a sore throat, and feeling light headed teaching seemed impossible. I chugged it- it says it helps with focusing and I'm sold on it. I had so much energy that even not feeling good I made it through the workout, home for bed time routines, and til midnight. I learned it's great- but don't drink it at 7pm. This I might invest it, what more could a mother of two toddlers ask for? Their energy in a bottle? I'd say it's comparable. I'm not sure about the other products they make, but I just might be willing to try them. I cringe, cuz I'm strong willed and I don't give into products- but energy is hard to turn down. This is much cheaper (I have not compared all the other stuff they sell) but I can get a box for $22ish and a tub of it for only $50 something. We shall see.

Either way- I just don't commit to things like that. Then of course people want you to sell it so they make money off of you selling underneath them and you can make money and... there is no nice way to say it. I don't like pushy people. One such product is full of pushy sales people- I'm sick of it. Just because I'm so stubborn and "well if you don't leave me alone I'll..." I refuse to let it hit my tongue. Because I feel like it's ridiculous that people attach Bible verses to it- seriously? SERIOUSLY? Because you can't post anything on facebook about a sore back, or being tired, or feeling a cold coming on without someone saying "you need (need, urk) this product! it's all natural, it's a miracle (i was going to try to leave this word out, annoyance crawls) it will solve all you're problems and cure your daughter of...." eeerrrchh- stop right there- someone told my friend it would cure her daughter. I need to get off this subject. I feel like the news station where they say "we report, you decide". I report. You decide. 

I'm going to leave this subject all together before I get into trouble- I love dearly people who sell products. I see nothing wrong with making a living. Please don't be annoying. Just live it, use it, look great, feel great, and when people ask- calmly tell them it worked for you. (kinda like being a Christian, don't make it look annoying. Another subject for another soap box day)

I will close with the world ending tomorrow. If it does- how the heck did this man find it out? If not, strike 3? Will he stop predicting? And shouldn't Christians live everyday as if the world were ending tomorrow? And if you're not a Christian- do you believe in the rapture still? I say if you're freaking out, research. Find reason to either freak out enough to change, or find reasons not to freak out. I dunno. 

I do believe there will be a rapture, so the fear of the unknown rides up in me. How does 'forever' really work? Everything I know, and have ever known will or could end- I don't get words like 'eternal' and 'forever'. They make my head hurt if I lay in bed and try to think of something never, ever, ending. I'm sure, SURE I wont be scared once I know- but I can't grasp it, and it's my human response that cannot wrap my brain around it. It's comfortable when things are familiar. I'm sure it'll be a heck of a lot more comfortable when they don't end though. 

Do I think this man can predict the rapture? Nope. But I want to be ready if it is tomorrow. Or if it's the next day. Or if it's not for 10 or 50 more years, I want to live my life in a way I'm ready. I believe no one knows when the rapture will happen- so why not be ready? Or no rapture- what about a car wreck? Don't you want to die ready? Maybe not. I dunno. But why let a guy who's not been right yet freak you out worse than a book that's been right before...so when it says no one will know...I believe It.  

There's my annoying rant. Don't, please, be offended if you sell stuff- I like stuff- I buy stuff. Stuff makes everyone happy. It's just my opinion. It's just my blog. Don't let it ruin your day :)

Mother's Day

I wanted to blog about being a mom on Mother's Day.
I wanted to blog about those who don't have their mothers anymore. Or those who've lost a child. That I cannot imagine.
I wanted to warn some newly pregnant friends. I wanted to jump for joy all over facebook because they are going to be moms- and join the 'there is nothing better song'. But I couldn't.
I know what it's like to be a mom to Ryse and Symira. That's it. I don't know what it's like in any other mother's shoes.
So often I was told "I wouldn't trade it for anything"...and I think I'm starting to get it. (because for the last 3 years, I honestly.didn't.always get it.)
For a while- there were many things I would trade it for. Why? Being a mom hurts.
Physically- pregnancy, labor, nursing *ugh*, your back from carrying extra weight, extra weight that cries.
Emotionally- no sleep, no time to even sort your emotions for months on end. Only the screaming of someone, right in your face, telling you what they need, or leaving you guessing. Giving you no silence long enough to shower AND think. Or think AND eat. Pick one.
Socially- I cherish meals with friends, minus kids. To talk, to laugh, to eat hot food.
Is being a mom the worst thing ever? Nope. "I wouldn't trade it for anything". Because it's fun? Nope. Because I'm always overflowing with love for my kids? Working on it. Because it's made my marriage a million times better? It's a lie. :P
I'm learning why.
Because once you learn to love like a parent loves a child, your perspective on absolutely everything changes. Even things you wish wouldn't change, like the color of yogurt you'll buy, or where you'll hide the box of cookies so you can save them for a quiet minute. Things that used to be a big deal lose their excitement- things that used to be annoying become oddly 'adorable' or 'yucky'. You become 'one of them'.
The answer to 'Why?' comes when you're sitting beside a hospital bed realizing what you could have so easily lost. It comes when you're getting a splinter out of a tiny little foot, covering it with an Elmo band aid, and holding a sobbing child- holding back tears of your own. It comes when you walk into a door after being gone for a short time, eyes light up, and you get one of those reuniting hugs that you seen in airports. It comes when you pull the blankets up under her chin and she yawns and whispers 'I lub yer guts Momma'.
They become your purpose- so when you try to imagine life without them it becomes impossible. And a life with a purpose is something I wouldn't trade for anything.

While riding in the car just today I wanted to blog the "I'm so tired, I'm spinning my wheels, I'm getting no where in this life" saga...and just like someone knew what I needed to hear, it came on a free cd I got for Mother's Day and popped in but never turned the volume up. Just when I spent too much money on a motor for a car window. Just when I bought a coffee at 7pm to make it til 9- this song came on.
Please, mothers, read every lyric- buy the cd and be a cheesy emotional wreck with me:


One Heartbeat At A Time -Steven Curtis Chapman
You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world


Seriously- listen to it, it's way better than reading this.

Happy Mother's Day to my fellow sleep deprived, tear kissing, beautiful history changing mothers.