A Friend Worth Quoting

"(The thing that I really don't get with the Cry It Out method is why Christians- Christians! are so drawn to it, even adamant about it...because if parents are a picture of God to their children, this is nothing like the God I know...I do not serve a God who only responds to me at certain times, under certain conditions...I do not serve a God who refuses to listen when I cry...rather the God I know invites me to cry to him, over and over He says this, to pour my heart out to Him...and that He is a waiting Father, a Father lavish with affection and understanding, one who is ever-present, ever holding His children)." http://www.jesstock.blogspot.com/

I recommend reading it yourself, especially if this leaves you uneasy. Neither her, nor myself, suggest this method is wrong...it's just when the Cry It Out method isn't working. When they cry, and cry, and cry...she describes how her motherly instincts were going wild and my skin crawls because I remember the feeling oh so well. I still get it, when I've rocked and rocked and nursed and nursed, then gently lay her down...by the time I turn the monitor on and she's crying everything in my wants to scream and then start rocking again. I can't stand hearing my girls cry...especially if it's not a tantrum, it's a cry for comfort.

I think back at losing dad, moving out of state for college alone, having a baby and all that comes with it...had God turned his ear away from me I'd have given up on Him. I'd no longer trust Him. I tried with Ryse to cry it out. I tried with Symira to cry it out. I feel that deep jealousy every time someone tells me "I let her/him cry it out one night, they've been sleeping through the night ever since"...and 15 months into it- I'm still up, still rocking. However, those 15 months are over and she happily grabs her blankie and exclaims 'nih-nih' 'see-ya' at bedtime. I love Jess's blog post on this...these late nights and early mornings and everything in between wont last forever, they are already coming to an end, and as I am LOVING more sleep I am trying to cling to each minute rocking and knowing my kids find comfort in me. I love thinking God could possibly smile at the 'constant whining', knowing that I need Him, and when I'm scared I find comfort in Him.

"Happy Day!"

As Derrick carried Ryse downstairs from her nap, she caught a glimpse of Dora balloons and decorations that were no where to be found before she laid down. Her eyes widened quickly and she loudly exclaimed "Happy Day!" over and over. She began giggling and jumping around when the doorbell rang.

"Happy day cake!!" once again, over and over. She loved, LOVED her cake. She proudly showed it off as the guests arrived.
After the party, Derrick and I were up talking and cleaning until midnight. It was so much fun, it was exhausting, and it was Ryse. We began talking about the last 2 years and what has made her Ryse.
Let's rewind:
Surprise arrival July 15, 2008. I was induced for preeclampsia...and less than 7 hours later we had a 5lb 12oz peanut. Through 12 weeks of screaming and very little sleep I spent much time in a comfy gliding chiar, but mostly bouncing on an exercise ball. These things soothed her. Many opinions told me what to do, what not to do, why this was happening and I became so annoyed I thought I'd develop a twitch- so I locked the doors, pulled the blinds, and shut the ringers off on the phones. I was determined to love her, sing to her, and sleep when she did. When she didn't- we watched chick flicks, sang hymns (to keep me sane), and cried in eachothers faces. Then her well-check came around again. Thankfully Dr.Gigax heard a heart murmur and sent us to Akron Children's Hospital. October 1st we headed up to get an echo and EKG and had plans to rush home to work in the children's class that evening at church. Test after test I began to feel as though things weren't looking like they should. I wish I could even try to describe to you the feelings of that day- finding out that not only was something wrong, but it needed fixed and we would not be going home until it was. Her tiny heart, how would I hand her over for heart surgery? Heart surgery always sounded like something awful, but for a tiny little baby- this shouldn't happen in my mind. We walked her to the PICU to admit her and as they asked a million questions I became overwhelmed. That's where we met some of the best people we knew- Ryse was in the best hands and so were Derrick and I. A man, I cannot remember his title, but his name was Brian, met me in the hall with kleenex and an arm around my shoulder as he promised they would take care of my baby girl...I would need to take care of myself and Derrick and they would take care of the rest. God continued to prove this man correct and as though that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do

...we made it. With 2 more stays in Akron Childrens, a life-flight ride, a broken arm, and a sister later- she's an amazing little 2 year old. She's strong, she's confident, she's pure ornery. She's beautiful, she's hilarious, and she's healthy! She's a booty shaking, eye rolling, rock star who loves to sing. She's daddy's little girl who kisses all mommy's silly boo-boos. She's the best big sister who loves to wake up to "meee-ya". She's a little miracle.
As this is a little late, I'd like to wish our little rock star a Happy Birthday- I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Symira

Now that I know how to upload pictures: here's my little Zahner :)

She's mastering rolling, drolling, giggling, and working on her volume...oh yea, according to the general public, starting to look more like Derrick. That my friends is why you marry a good-looking guy: all your kids may look just like him.

I pray she has his patience, his anal habbits that keep our kitchen floor so clean, and keeps his big brown eyes that make her look so sweet.

Random

On the news today: tar balls in New Orleans. Lindsay Lohen gets sentenced to 90 days in prison. A four year old girl found after being abducted for 24 hours.

Ryse

10 reasons why I love her so dang much:

She:
10. could roll her eyes by 18 months
9. sighs just as loudly as I do when I do, reminding me of my attitude.
8. knows where her booty is and how to shake it.
7. kisses her own boo-boos- even if they're in hard to reach places.
6. sings 'daddy, daddy, daddy' when she sees the vacuum (hmm...) and when he gets home from work.
5. calls a popsicle a 'potsie'
4. knows what a fart is and how to do it on command- this came naturally. (after thinking one was hilarious she learned to repeat the hilarious sound)
3. swings her arms when she runs, and 9 times outta 10 faceplants in the grass, giggles, and keeps going.
2. gives Symira the sweetest hugs and kisses...she loves people, never met a stranger.
1. knows that mommy's kisses are always healing and loves to cuddle with me when she's sad- that. is. priceless.

Teething and Anti-teething

By now I thought Symira would have all of her teeth- she's been drooling to her bellybutton daily for 2 and a half months. She began (today) rolling from back to belly, yesterday mastered belly to back- why not do it all at once? She's turning from a quiet content baby to a loud, active, must-be-entertained baby. She's becoming so much fun...such an ornery lil thing.

Getting it honestly from her dad. We've been starting to feel a little less stressed lately and have fun again. I told him he's a bad flirter- I was trying to flirt while watering the flowers and spray him with the hose, he just smiled and kept weed-eating. When asked "what did you expect?" I replied "you to grab the hose and drench me with it". I guess I asked to be locked out of the house and tackled in the yard in response to armpit poking. We've went on walks, held hands, jumped on a trampoline together, and bantered back and forth with high school sounding compliments. I love it. I love him. It's great to be able to have fun again.

He's promising to take such good care of me this weekend as I'm getting all 4 wisdom teeth out :( ....as if no one else knows- I've been sending out invites to my pity party all week! One thing I promised myself was honesty when I began this blog. I'm terrified. I say, and I mean it, that I'd rather go through labor again, no meds...nothing. It may not be that bad, but atleast I know what to expect. I've never been 'put under' before and I'm not sure why that scares me soo bad. I'm such a pessimist. I blame things I've gone through for taking my 'that would never happen to me' away, and replacing it to 'if it's bad and can happen, it'll happen to me'. I don't think I show this side of myself very often, I think I do a pretty good job (or maybe I don't) acting like an optimist. So I'm waiting to get my 'numb spot', or my dry sockets, or perhaps slip off into an eternal sleep. AHH...I'm SUCH a pessimist. (knowing that I'm blessed beyond messure, I HAVE lots- I just EXPECT little). To top it off I'm not allowed to eat OR drink after 7:30 tomorrow morning. Have you met Kristen Zahner yet? Have you figured out her love for food? This will not be fun. I'm planing on waking up at 6:30 for breakfast :)

So there you have it, my honest feelings for the day- I'm scared to death and dreading tomorrow and if I had my way I'd drink drinks highly concentrated with alcohol from this minute to the minute I go under. Since that wont happen, I'll go busy myself cleaning the house and watching the Game Show Network.