I realized there's a ton in my head I want to tell them.
Would they listen?
Would I have listened when I was there age?
Do I tell them anyways?
Do I let them learn the same way I did?
And just how honest, really, can I be with a high school student about the consequences I've paid and still pay?
Lately there have been a million topics come up that make want to shake the students, every single one, and make them take it seriously. Yet every single one of these topics take me back to wondering, would I have listened when I was their age?
Let's pretend I would have. I'd write this letter to me, at age fifteen. I'd keep this letter for the high school students today , erase my name, and pass it on.
Dear me at fifteen,
You're not too young to realize that life is hard. It's not fair. And that all the other cliches that people use are true.
It's hard to figure out who you are.
It's hard to stay motivated in school, knowing you truly will never use Algebra again. (Sorry, both years in Algebra 2 will never pay off.)
It's not fair when your siblings are geniuses, athletic, attractive, and you're good at...well, talking.
It's not fair when you're made to feel odd because your mom has a boyfriend and you're to young and to awkward to process emotions from missing your dad, dreading a step dad, and maybe moving, maybe not.
You're kinda weird because you don't have a dad, and it's okay to look at families and be a little bit jealous because all the elements of an American Family are there.
You spend a lot of energy on trying to be friends with everyone, looking a certain way (like you don't care), and you run your mouth a lot in attempt to look like you're in control.
All this is very normal, simply because you're in high school.
However, you're not too young to figure out there is more to life than all this. You're not too young to change things around you. You're not too young to make a difference. Actually, you're the perfect age fore all these things. You, right now, are in the perfect place to look at life just a little bit differently and change the rest of your life.
Know this, life will be hard without your dad. It will be emotional and it will be awkward. There are things he's supposed to do that your mom will have to do so she won't be around as much. Cook for her more and help her clean, don't get mad at her, it's not her fault he's not here. You could notice that she's hurting too. You wont have a curfew, not unless you're with that boyfriend your mom doesn't like. Enjoy the no curfew, consider it an attempt at something good for not having a dad around. It could be the only good thing you ever get outta him being gone. Enjoy your nights out til four in the morning fishing and sitting by fires, you're not doing anything wrong.
That boyfriend, and the other ones that follow...be careful. They are good guys, have fun, but don't even think about anything more serious than dating. Be you. Be outgoing. Be confident. Be a better friend to the just friends in your life than boyfriends. Tell them who you are and who you wont be. Spend less time with them, in a few years you'll understand exactly what you're mom is saying. Admit to yourself, you have more fun with groups of friends, it's more fun to laugh than fight, and it's more fun to go home when he's been respectful. Make him be respectful. Know it well that little mistakes don't mean you can't go backwards. Go backwards. Go back to where when you remembered you deserve to laugh, to have fun, to be respected, and to be pure. You will actually get married at a normal age. You'll marry a man who has learned respect, who loves, and who will be a loving father. Don't worry now about who God has for you, worry now about who you will be when you meet that person. Plan on not finding him in school. Relax.
Accept who you are. You're not like everyone else. You're not an athlete, a book worm, a goth, a popular kid, or a dork. However, you can carry a conversation with everyone who is. You don't realize that now, but that's a skill not everyone has, nor wants to have. Take that and run with it. You're bold and confident. You could tell a few less teachers a thing or too, but don't lose your spunk. Know why you're passionate about writing, laughing, and having fun. Work on respect, but don't lose confidence.
Those were the big things to you in school. You were good at them too apparently- you'll end high school as the class flirt and most talkative. Sweet, right? That is what you invested your time into.
I wish so bad you would have invested your time differently. You are fine the way you are, it's just that looking back you could have been more than fine.You could have set your feet in a direction that could have impacted your future and the futures of those around you. You could have impacted eternity. I'm not sure if you'll really listen, but from where I'm sitting 12 years down the road, this will make sense and you'll so wish you had. Please consider new priorities.
First, and most important, make God you're everything. It will take you awhile to figure out how to let God be your Father. It will take time to learn how to love Him. But right now is the very perfect time to do it. Start small. Start by praying for a desire for His Word and for Him. It's not normal to love these things at your age, but if you can grasp right now a love for God and the Bible it will help you in everything. Know that God wants to help you with things like loving Him, enjoying His Word, and even helping you with your perspective on school, parents, friends...everything that's big in your world He actually cares about. Pray, tell God you're not even sure why you want a desire for Him, but pray anyways knowing that He'll answer.
Pray secondly that God would give you eyes like His. That you would be able to see life and see people the way He does. This is not cool in high school, it'll never be that cool of a thing to do, but it will be life changing. Learn now that people think you're weird when you think like God. Learn now that people will always have something to say about the way you think and the way you act. Learn now that if you are right where God wants you, none of what those people are saying matters. Not at all. One day your favorite prayer will become for God to please break your heart for what breaks His. You'll start to see people differently. Instead of hating the jerk for spreading nasty rumors about you your first few weeks in high school, you could feel sorry for him. He's broken. He cannot figure out even years ahead of you who he is or why he's here. He hasn't learned how to love or be loved. He just pretends. Instead of feeling down on yourself for not being athletic, or genius, or whatever else you feel like you're lacking- you'll see God made you verbal, accepting, loving, and with a heart that's wide open for others. You'll see that those things are good and useful to Him, if not anyone else.
Pray thirdly for God to show you a big picture. High school is great, it's fun, and it's necessary here. College is wonderful, you can meet new people and study things that are so very fascinating. You can even use those educations to make a lot of money. Pray though that God would show you more than that. That God would show you the world. The hurting. The hungry. The lost. Those across the world, and those right in your school, your youth group, and your house. Know that exactly how you are is who God wants to use. Read books on missions, learn to care for people. Learn right now what's important to God and how many distractions the world can throw at you. Please be the weird kid that finds more purpose in life than dating and being enough so that people will want to be friends with you. Be the weird kid that can look back on your high school years and smile, because it all seemed so abnormal in high school but you're now miles ahead and ready for what God has for you...you are in the perfect place for God to use you.
Get a post-it note and write 1 Corinthians 1:26 & 27 on it. Remind yourself daily that God doesn't call the wise and mighty, but he uses the foolish things to amaze the wise. Learn now that God chooses the weak to surprise the mighty. Don't freak out about what you don't know- you don't need to be a Bible scholar, you've seen God work. He's saved you. He's comforted you in a way only He can when your dad died. He's provided for your family. He's protected your family and He's undoubtedly showered your family with love. Tell people that. Tell people you're not sure how you live without him. You're not sure how you have peace that dad is in heaven. Tell people you're not sure how sometimes you have joy and sometimes a peace with your pain. But tell them God provides. He gives comfort and peace and joy and love and that you're going to be just fine because He is real to you. Just tell them what you know.
I know I'm older now, and I know it's normal to get it when you're older...but why not try it now? Why not see what God can do with a high school kid? Why waste so much time trying to be cool at school, fit in at youth group, and dance on the line of obedient and unruly at home? Why not step back and see who God made you...praying God would show you how you fit into His plan?
I promise you that some day this will become so important to you. You'll still have the desire for people to understand you- but you'll be able to ignore it, realizing you'll never feel understood. You won't. And that's okay because you'll feel fulfilled. You'll feel purposed. You'll feel peace with exactly who God made you to be.
If you do it now you'll save heartache and time, and who knows, some of those friends you'll never see again...you have a chance now to be different.
Be different. Be you.
Don't be perfect, God will use the mistakes.
Relax a little.
Love,
You at 27
