Mother's Day

I wanted to blog about being a mom on Mother's Day.
I wanted to blog about those who don't have their mothers anymore. Or those who've lost a child. That I cannot imagine.
I wanted to warn some newly pregnant friends. I wanted to jump for joy all over facebook because they are going to be moms- and join the 'there is nothing better song'. But I couldn't.
I know what it's like to be a mom to Ryse and Symira. That's it. I don't know what it's like in any other mother's shoes.
So often I was told "I wouldn't trade it for anything"...and I think I'm starting to get it. (because for the last 3 years, I honestly.didn't.always get it.)
For a while- there were many things I would trade it for. Why? Being a mom hurts.
Physically- pregnancy, labor, nursing *ugh*, your back from carrying extra weight, extra weight that cries.
Emotionally- no sleep, no time to even sort your emotions for months on end. Only the screaming of someone, right in your face, telling you what they need, or leaving you guessing. Giving you no silence long enough to shower AND think. Or think AND eat. Pick one.
Socially- I cherish meals with friends, minus kids. To talk, to laugh, to eat hot food.
Is being a mom the worst thing ever? Nope. "I wouldn't trade it for anything". Because it's fun? Nope. Because I'm always overflowing with love for my kids? Working on it. Because it's made my marriage a million times better? It's a lie. :P
I'm learning why.
Because once you learn to love like a parent loves a child, your perspective on absolutely everything changes. Even things you wish wouldn't change, like the color of yogurt you'll buy, or where you'll hide the box of cookies so you can save them for a quiet minute. Things that used to be a big deal lose their excitement- things that used to be annoying become oddly 'adorable' or 'yucky'. You become 'one of them'.
The answer to 'Why?' comes when you're sitting beside a hospital bed realizing what you could have so easily lost. It comes when you're getting a splinter out of a tiny little foot, covering it with an Elmo band aid, and holding a sobbing child- holding back tears of your own. It comes when you walk into a door after being gone for a short time, eyes light up, and you get one of those reuniting hugs that you seen in airports. It comes when you pull the blankets up under her chin and she yawns and whispers 'I lub yer guts Momma'.
They become your purpose- so when you try to imagine life without them it becomes impossible. And a life with a purpose is something I wouldn't trade for anything.

While riding in the car just today I wanted to blog the "I'm so tired, I'm spinning my wheels, I'm getting no where in this life" saga...and just like someone knew what I needed to hear, it came on a free cd I got for Mother's Day and popped in but never turned the volume up. Just when I spent too much money on a motor for a car window. Just when I bought a coffee at 7pm to make it til 9- this song came on.
Please, mothers, read every lyric- buy the cd and be a cheesy emotional wreck with me:


One Heartbeat At A Time -Steven Curtis Chapman
You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world


Seriously- listen to it, it's way better than reading this.

Happy Mother's Day to my fellow sleep deprived, tear kissing, beautiful history changing mothers.