I.hate.running.

I hate getting ready to run. I hate actually running. I hate showering. 

(To clarify, I just don't like the process of getting wet- I do love to be clean and I shower daily, to the point where I will shower at midnight to not miss a day, I just hate getting wet)

Yesterday morning I was running and decided I was going to take my time, not watch how long it took me, but to see how far I could go. Just me on the treadmill, running 'towards' a cement brick wall and 2 monitors, music blasting in my ears.

I began thinking of so many things that are going on in my life. I ran to the beat of the music but my brain was so far away. Words of a friend bounced back and forth in my head. I smiled. A situation of another friend stewed. Tears fell from my eyes. My chest hurt for their family. Threats of defeat from friends at work bounced around too. Threats that their team could beat our team. I have to prove them wrong. The fact that I have yet to run more than two miles...pushed harder. Sweat dropped. I thought of our discussion at church the night before, pushed that out, I hate being convicted to change something (semi sarcastic). Thoughts of future goals said to keep running, push harder, and it will be worth it. The number on the treadmill hit two miles, I felt great. Physically and emotionally I felt good. I was going to go for three, I laughed at thinking maybe I'd just keep running, 2 more, or 3 more.. I was going to beat my recent two mile run. The lights on the monitor jumped. She woke up. Reality hit. I was back in a cement basement, watching monitors, needing to rush and stand in water (eerk) to be clean. 

Just when I thought maybe running wasn't so bad, maybe I could do it, maybe I could think about liking it I was snapped back into why I hate running.

I hate being interrupted, I hate being snapped out of 'me time', I hate feeling like I'm going to die, I hate competing against me.

Running is just that. Competing against yourself. I'm competitive. and I drive myself nuts.

If this does or doesn't make sense, let's just know, I don't like running.