I've been feeling on top of the stress and emotions just the pressure to keep up. To keep a clean house, to cook dinner but first go grocery shopping, make doctor appointments, find babysitters, pay the doctor bills, find time to play and to teach, to be at 180, to reach out to kids to spend time with them, to pray for them, to clear my mind for a few short hours to be there completely. I've felt pressure to help, to do, to be, to work, to budget, and I just might explode. (I don't even want to talk about my favorite holiday, Christmas, yet.)
Last night David Gardner joined us at 180- he's a missionary to Peru. He told his story. He plays soccer with sinners, he's friends with them, tells one the gospel and it spreads. The excitement spreads. They bring people to hear. There's a picture of a whole group of people and he's touched them all. They will all be in heaven because he made sure they heard the Bible.( I don't even want to think about what my picture would look like, it'd be sad.)
He lives so normal, he has a beautiful wife, beautiful daughter, gets to play soccer, goes to church, drives a car, even carries an iphone. Yet he positions himself to win souls...he read from Matthew 9. If I could repeat his words verbatim I would.
Bear with me. He started in verse 35 explaining how Jesus spent full days helping people, healing people. That kinda makes me stressed just thinking about it...I get worn out from such minor gestures of 'help' because my schedule is strict (my fault) Mondays- laundry, tuesday clean, wednesday bills and projects, thursdays....seriously!!! who does this, week in and week out. Yet Jesus healed, not "I'm sorry, I need a shower and peace and quiet from 1-3" I'm so pathetic. Anyways...all day healing, let me help you vision who he was helping....a women with a bleeding problem, lepers- gross seeping wounds, dying flesh, people throwing themselves at Him every where He turned. Verse 35 tells us that he went about all the cities...healing every sickness and every disease among the people. 36 But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, BECAUSE they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.
NOT because they stunk, or were dirty, or gross, or starving....but because they were lost and dying with no shepherd. *Dear self, you need to see people differently*
Secondly he pointed out that vs 37 says "the harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few". Asking the questions "what is the harvest? when you go to harvest do you take seeds with you?" Nope, the fields are done being worked, the seeds were planted, grew and now need harvested. All God is asking for is harvesters. To love and lead people to Him.
Seeing David's pictures last night and reading these simple verses I began to dream, to let my mind wander.
He caught my attention closing with verse 38 "Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest"
Sure, I can sit here in my comfy house, fire place lit because it's a little chilly, listening to music on the big ol' tv and pray God would send someone. I also need to remember that God came to save the world and as of today, my mission field is here. I need to reach out and love my brothers and sisters in Christ, but if that is all I am ever doing I am not adding to His Kingdom. Find sinners, find people who are different, who talk different, dress different, smell different and love them. That's my goal. Position myself with 'sinners'.
I will pray that the Lord sends someone, but while I'm sitting here typing about all the stress and struggles in life, I would be lying if I didn't admit I pray that maybe just maybe God uses the Zahners in a bigger plan, in a picture that's just a little bigger than the picture I can see.
Today my stomach turns, nothing will solve the physical problems in my family, nothing will fix the hurt from missing such a huge part of our family from cancer, financial stress, and the stress of just not having enough time in the day...but it helps to dream...what would it be like to just 'chuck it all' and head outta here?
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