I wear a smile...

even when my heart is heavy.
Today I will take a step in the right direction. I cannot say everything, I cannot answer every question. If you know, you were meant to, if you don't, you may find out. Don't ask.
It's my blog though, I will unload here.
Recently we found out that someone very, very close to me received news about their health. Not good news. Not the worst news. We find out more this week. I haven't been able to think straight since last Friday. It reminds me of dad. Except dad was farther along. His was bad. Obviously. We were hopeful, we were crushed. Friday brought a rush of emotions I was not ready to handle, but apparently God is. I'm not good at letting Him. I suck at trusting, even if it's God apparently. Trust issues- a whole other issue. It was a very busy weekend, Friday I worked at the Kids Stuff Sale (you should go if you haven't, link), Saturday was my birthday (without complaining, it was possible my least favorite. I will blog about this, I am thankful for the lunch and dinner, I swear. They were needed, much needed), Sunday was shopping at the sale, working at the sale, getting home at nine, bedtime for the girls, exhausted...you get it. Monday I tried to clean, I fought the girls, I found them playing with dirty potty water (gag, I know). I gave up and played. Went on a walk. Ate tacos.
Today I will take time to think, time to pray, time to cry. Maybe I wont. Maybe I'll make it a day to distract just me. But I will think about me for a few hours. My friend took the girls. I love that she saw a need and jumped in. As if she isn't busy enough being a mother to her 6 children. I will get off of here, run until I can't run anymore, lay in a hot bath, maybe put laundry away, or maybe skip that and jump into laying in bed, no noise, and sleeping. Or to be honest, crying. I believe in good cries. I hate it because it sounds cheesy, but it takes hundreds of pounds off my shoulders.
I am reminded that having a heavy heart is not just a saying, it feels heavy. It hurts. I haven't been real with anyone but my husband for the last 5 days, which is not easy. I wear a smile. It fits, it's more fun.